Syria

We are supposed to be leaving for Syria on the 15th of October. We will be leaving Dubai for good then. I am not sure I am ready to go. The plan is to get there and stay at Z's mom's house until our new apartment is ready to move in. Ideally, we will move in by the end of October. But, this is Syria and nothing is ever on time.

I am at terms with moving to Syria. The issue I have is with staying at his mom's house for 2+ weeks. The last stay turned out to be a nightmare. Z doesn't understand the severity of the boredom I face staying with his mom. Zouheir is mostly busy setting up the new house and catching up with friends, so I am left alone with his mom and E. Doing nothing but sitting on my ass for 12 hours day watching TV is tolerable for a week, max. After 7 days insanity and depression start to set in.

If I spoke Arabic, or if this were any other country, I would have a list a hundred miles long of things to do to keep busy. However, the ability to learn Arabic has eluded me and the fear of becoming lost in a foreign country with a language I cannot understand far out-weighs the impending boredom.

I am not sure how to tell Z that I want to stay here until after the new house is ready. First of all, he has already rented out the apartment we are currently living and I am not sure we would be able to push back the new tenant's move-in date another 2-3 weeks. Secondly, when I am afraid he will think I am asking for this because I don't want to move to Syria or that I can't stand his mother. I like his mother.

The real truth is, I don't want to move to Syria. I first agreed to move because of Z's ultimatum. His options were move to Syria or get divorced. I was pregnant at the time and didn't want to give up on my marriage so quickly. Anyway, as time progressed I become more comfortable with the idea of living in Syria for a year or two. Being close to family would be good for E and being in Syria would allow her to learn Arabic from an early age. I would have my own home with all the Western amenities, a driver, and a maid if needed. This would also hopefully give me an opportunity to take some online classes for a master's degree or get back into taking pictures. I still believe all this; our house is going to be beautiful, Z's has already hired an amazing driver for me, and maids are easy to find. However, as the moving date approaches, the anxiety and fear of isolation is building inside me. I pray for strength.